Thanks for Input!

I've been doing a LOT of thinking, crying, and soul-searching this last week! Amazing what a sudden upset in your "normal" routine of life can cause (if you'd call my regular routine normal)! I've come to realise that yes...I've had a LOT to deal with these past couple of weeks, but I've also looked deep inside and realised that I used these pressures and misfortunes as EXCUSES!!!!! It's during these hard times that I should have put more value on myself and my health...but I didn't! I've drank excessively, and ate excessively...and have done absolutely NO exercise!

Time to take control of my life...and gitterdone! Time to decide that I'm worth it! Time to focus on ME!!!!!

Not Doing So Well

I caved! I'm an emmotional eater, and things have gotten pretty stressful around here...and...I caved! No sense beating myself up over it...just gotta try to stop it before I gain weight because of it!

My husband and I own rental properties, and one of our tenants decided to get drunk (doesn't go well with his meds), and burn our house down! There is currently a warrant out for his arrest. That property housed him and 4 other tenants! Luckily nobody was hurt, but our house is not doing so well! The Fire Marshall hasn't even let us in yet...it happened 2 days ago! All the investigations and damage assessing has to be done before anyone can go in! So we've had to accomodate the other tenants out of our own pockets, and deal with insurance people, and upset tenants, etc, etc!!!!! Needless to say...it's been VERY stressful around our house for the past 2 days! We've both had to take time off work to deal with this, which means no money coming in...but lots going out! I know it's not an excuse to crash...but I did! Not just with food! We both had a hot tub last night and got drunk together too! I know alcohol doesn't take your problems away...but it sure helped us to forget about them for just one night! I do feel guilty cuz this was supposed to be the week I got back into things, but now it looks like next week is! One day I'll have enough control of myself that things like this won't cause me to turn to my old crutch...FOOD!!! But for this time...I just didn't have the strength! Sorry to let you guys down!

I DID IT FOR YOU TWO!!!! xo

I am sooo proud of myself right now!!! I had a VERY late night with clients last night...didn't get home until 11:30...and couldn't settle into bed to sleep until after midnight! So when the alarm went off at 5:00 this morning...well...honestly...I reached over and turned it off! No way in hell I was gonna get up and exercise when I had that little sleep! I knew I had a big day of tax work ahead of me...and you really need a fresh mind to do that kinda thing!

So I was cool with the thought that once again...my work took precidence over working out! I honestly had convinced myself that I just couldn't do it today...and I would "start tomorrow"! Guess what? Tomorrow NEVER COMES!!!

What changed my mind? I got text messaages from both of my best friends during this whole journey!!! Spitz and Spunky! They both sent nice messages asking if I did what I said I was gonna do...and that is....start working out today!! It was their push, motivation, and belief in me that made me put my paperwork aside, turn on the tv, change into my workout clothes, and do the AbRipperX video! OK...so it's only 18 minutes...but it's a workout...and I sweat...and I can honestly say I did something good for myself today!!!!

THANKS GUYS!!!!! TODAY WAS FOR YOU!!!!! xoxoxoxoxox

So now tomorrow is a new day! And my goal is to get up at 5:00 am and do my entire hour of "Trouble Zones" by Jillian Micheals!!!

Day 1...Perfection!!!

It's only 4:00pm...and already I have to say today is perfect!

I needed to get some supplements (since getting back into the groove of taking them daily is part of my new resolve), so.....seeing that the sun was shining, and the dog needed walking, I decided to walk to the health store and back! Holy cow! What a power walk! The dog is napping as I'm typing this blog! I'm not sure of the exact distance, but my guess is around 8km! I got my exercise in, soaked up some vitamin D, treated the dog to a much needed walk, and bought my supplements for the next 2 months all at the same time!!! Since it was $350 worth of supplements...it was an extra workout on the way home carrying the 15lbs worth of stuff!!!

I have also eaten perfectly so far too! I'm excited about that cuz I've REALLY fallen off the wagon in that department lately! Gotta be PERFECT for the next 4 weeks cuz I'm losing 20lbs! That also means sticking to my exercise regimend too!!! It's all worth it!!! I'M WORTH IT!!!

Now it's time to take care of the "business" requirements of my day!!!

A-HA

So I'm reading an amazing book right now called "Excuses Begone" by Dr. Wayne W. Dyer...and I must say I'm loving it! I'm only 61 pages into the book, and I'm already completely entranced by it! I felt compelled to share a few quotes that have REALLY struck me

"Rather than insisting that you're too busy for exercise, instead think, I exercise daily because I'm way too busy to take any time for being sick!"
Isn't that amazing! I think that quote was intended just for me! Isn't that what I"m always saying?! I'm making excuses for my laziness!!!

"I can accomplish anything I put my mind to here in the present moment. My past has no bearing on what I can and will create. If it has never hapened before, that is allthe more reason for me to make it happen now. I will cease to being a slave to my past."

That means to stop using the excuse that I've tried sooooo many times to loose the weight and failed! I've never finished what I started before!!!! That's my past...and I here and now refuse to be a slave of my past!

This book has so many excellent nuggets..I really recommend it to everyone! It's not just about weight loss either...it's about everything in your life that isn't what it should be!

Just thought I'd share!!!!

Just For You Spunkster

Already...at the request of the "Spunkser", I have to post my list of things to do!
1. Starting tonight I am listening to the "Gabriel Method" every night...without fail.

2. Starting tomorrow I am drinking the proper amount of water...and along with that, starting to take my daily supplements!

3. Starting Friday I'm getting my eating back under control...I'm gonna be VERY strict with this one! I was gonna wait til Monday...but I think I'll get groceries tonight...cuz I'm determined to do this thang!

4. Starting Friday exercise is a MUST every day! I only have 4 weeks til my holiday...so I won't die from exhaustion in that short a time! I'm gonna get up at 5am EVERY day and do my hour of exercise! And weather permitting, I'm gonna come home at lunch and walk my puppy for 1/2 hour every day too!

5. This weekend I am cleaning my office...getting my husbands data entered for taxes, and doing all the tax shit for our rentals! Gotta get that all done cuz I use it for an excuse not to exercise...not sure why...just cuz it weighs me down I think!

I'm excited...it's all starting tomorrow...or some things Friday! No sense in waiting til Monday right? The goal is to be in the 150's for my trip! I know that means about 20lbs in 4 weeks...but if I'm PERFECT with diet, exercise, and water consumption...I KNOW I CAN DO IT!!!! Who knows...with this much resolve...I may win a little money in the competition this month! Now THAT would be sweet!!!!!

So there you have it...my new plan...what do ya think?

Wait for me Amigos!!!

Well...I may not have been doing what I should have this month (or what I even promised I would), but I have been reading the posts of my Amigos to keep my spirits up through this stupid "funk" that I'm in for some reason! I must say, that the last 2 days, the entries I've read have really touched me! Everyone seems to be accomplishing wonderful things lately, and have new resolve...and...well...to be honest...I'm feeling left out! I wanna hop back on that Amigo train and really DO THIS THING!!!! I've got the best girls on my side that anyone could EVER ask for, so I need to put my hand out, hold tight...and let them pull me through! I'm not gonna let you girls down, and I'm not gonna let myself down! I'm gonna listen to my "Gabriel Method" cd every night again...and revisit my goals for the next few days! I'm taking the rest of this week just to get my "head" back into the game...and Monday my heart and soul will join in!!

YUPPERS!!!!! I'M GONNA DO THIS THING FOR ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!! It's not about the competition any more...it's about me...finishing what I've started for the first time in my life! It's about taking control of my life again! It's about being accountable and responsible for ALL the choices I've made...it's about loving myself and knowing deep down that I deserve everything great that life has to offer!!!

I'm with you Amigos....wait for me...I'm coming!!!

Thanks

Just a quick blog to thank everyone who has believed in me, and been pushing me forward on this journey of mine! I know I haven't been so great lately, but I will get back into it! I have a lot of work to do in the next couple weeks with my business...but I will also try to eat properly and excercise daily! Not gonna make any promises, but I will try! Thanks again...you guys have no idea what it means to me to know that you're all rooting for me! I WILL get out of this "funk", if it kills me!!

I QUIT!!!!!!!....

I've suffered long enough...for years upon years now...and it's time for me to give it up and quit! Don't worry...I don't mean that I quit with our competition, or with trying to make this lifestyle change! I don't want to sound like a broken record...which I know I do...but I quit with the self-destructive ways that I've become good at! I've been doing sooooo good...I've lost 40 lbs so far over the past year...and I can actually see me reaching my 140lb goal finally! So what do I do? I sabbotage myself! Why? I don't know! I don't know how to explain it, and I don't know the answers as to why...but every time I get close...I revert back to my old ways and gain the weight back! I so desperately don't want that to happen again! I've already gained back the 4lbs I lost last month...and even 2 that I lost the month before! I don't know what to do! I can't get my head out of the "funk" that I'm in! My trip is only 5 weeks away...and I soooooo desperately want to look and feel good! I know I can't be 140lbs...but I'd seriously settle for 155lbs...that means I have to lose 20lbs in the next 5 weeks! Is that even possible? I've just gotta get a grip before I gain back the entire 40lbs I've lost! I can't let that happen! So sorry for being all negative, but I was hoping that if I blog about it...I'll miraculously "see the light", and switch it back into gear!

So....here it is...I start fresh tomorrow...forgive myself for my HUGE slip-ups lately...and get my life back into gear! On EVERY level! I"m 40 now...so it's time to start acting it right! I CAN DO THIS!!!!

March is MY month!!

Ok...no sense fretting about what weight I wanted to lose for January and February but didn't!!! It's time to focus on March! It's My month! I turn 40 on Monday! I've got 6 weeks until my trip...so I'm gonna use them to the fullest! I'm so excited my hubby is on board too! I'm doing the "Frosty 5K" run tomorrow in Burlington...what a way to jumpstart the month eh?! Yay me...that's what I think! And he's also helping me with my obsession with the scale! I weigh myself EVERY day...sometimes two or three times...and I stress over the small gains and losses! He has taken away my scale until April 5th...so I can't track how I'm doing along the way! The logic is...that I'll stop obsessing and focussing on the pounds...and just do what I have to do all month to get the job done!!! I've got a plan...and I'm going to succeed!!! No excuses...no options...just gotta do it!!!! So my goal is to not even see the 60's pass me by!!! I'm sitting at 170 right now...and by the time my hubby gives me my scales back...I'll be in the 50's!!! That's it...that's the goal! I'm so excited...but anxious at the same time! Worried I'll have withdrawls from my scales! Let's see if this plan works...eventually something will right?!

Disappointed AGAIN!!!! Ugh!!

I think I consider weigh-in day...."DOOM'S DAY"!!!! It's the day I have to face the music! It's the day that I can't lie to myself because the scale and the pictures don't lie! It's the day I'm held accountable for all my poor choices in the entire month collectively! And it sucks!! Two months in a row I was grossly below my goal! I know it's my own fault...I've given into temptations, and I must pay the price! This month I'm really pissed at myself cuz last week I was weighing in at 165lbs (that's 5 lbs less than today), and I think I sabotaged myself! I was only 1lb away from my goal, and that's definately doable in one week...so what did I do? I gave into the temptation to go get a Creme Brulae McFlurry one day! Then that tasted so good, the next day we went out for lunch...and lets just say I didn't order salad! Last night my boys were taken out by the babysitter, so my hubby and I took advantage of it and went out for dinner again...DEFINATELY NOT SALAD!!!!! I haven't been home in the evening for weeks now, so we also indulged in a few drinks while watching some TV...I drank the entire bottle of red wine!!!

So the scale reflected my indulgences with a 5lb gain from last week! I feel terrible! And to top it off...Monday is my birthday...and I know I'll be having chinese food at lunch at the office...cuz that's what we've done for years (and to be honest...I want my chinese food...it's MY birthday...and it's a milestone)!

I need to get serious and get working! I only have 6 weeks before my trip...and now I have 30lbs to lose! How the hell am I gonna manage that one? That's 5lbs per week! Is that even practical? After my birthday...that's it!!!! No more cheats for me until my trip!!! And exercise is a MUST at least 5 days per week!!!! I need to be true to me! I don't wanna feel this way next month again!

I'll take the 4lb loss and run with it...knowing full well that March is my month to take some money away from this competition!!!!!

Tomorrow is the BIG DAY!!!

Well...here it is...it's weigh in day again tomorrow! I'm experiencing mixed emotions! I'm excited to be done another month...but I'm a little anxious cuz I don't think I reached my goal! Exercise has gone out the window this month! I'm hoping to see 10lbs...but the scale will tell tomorrow!

On Monday it's my 40th birthday!!!! I had big goals for my 40th...and I'm saddened a little that I didn't reach them! I was supposed to be 140lbs by then..and..well...that's just not gonna happen! I have 25 more to lose!

So...I've decided to march forward! I've resolved that my 40th year will be the best year of my life! I'm going to committ to exercise 5 days a week! I'm committing to a 90% perfectly clean diet all year (gotta have 10% treats in there to keep my sanity...and to ward off BINGES!!!)

I'm making committments for my business, and my personal and family life as well!!! Yuppers...40 is going to be the best year of my life...and it's up to me to make it that way!

3 Days til Weigh-in!!!

Gotta admit...I'm kinda excited about weigh-in! I've kinda inadvertantly used this month as a comparison! See...January I worked out hard, but ate kinda crappy! So now this month...I've eaten extremely clean (did have a couple little treats for my sanity), but couldn't find the time to get the exercise in! I wanna see the difference it makes on the scales! Then...next month it's my goal to do both...and REALLY see a HUGE difference! January I lost 5lbs...and I do believe I will reach my goal of 10 for this month...so put them together...and I should lose 15 next month!! Ye-haw!!!

Didn't work out this week so far...even though I had every intention to! I wiped out pretty badly and my knee is black and blue and swollen! The palm of my right hand is pretty badly gouged too! So I guess I take a few days to heal...but keep on track with food! That's why I thought...let's see the differrence betweeen good diet...and exercise!

I should be all healed up by Saturday...to begin the month where both aspects with play together! Feeling great about it! Can't wait to see my pics at the end of March...I should be 10 tiny lbs away from my goal!!!! Woo Hoo!!!!