Back at it....AGAIN

I'm sure by now you guys are getting tired of me saying that "I'm Back....and this time I mean it"!!! How many times have I made that promise to myself and to my friends and family! I guess this time I'm not going to promise anyone anything. I've had a few things happen lately that have shaken me to the very core of my being! I know that I need to change my life on so many levels! I need to start loving myself, and believing in myself! I need to look deep inside and see the beautiful woman that everyone else claims to see!

I've done a LOT...and I do mean a LOT of soul searching this past week! I"ve come to the realization that I can't change the past...I have to let it go and decide that I can make a tremendous influence on my future if I just take the first step! The only thing stopping me from being everything I want to be is ME!!!! It's nobody else's fault, and it's nobody else's problem either! If I want it...I have to make the choice to go get it...and be willing to pay whatever price it takes to get it!

I'm working on several aspects of my life!
1. my relationship with myself
2. my relationships with my family
3. my health and fitness
4. my realtionship with my friends
5. my new business
6. my financial house

So many diffferent areas of my life...and so much to improve on! But I"m going to take it one step at a time. I do believe that working just one job is going to make a HUGE difference with my relationships with my family and friends! It also opens up the time to be able to work on my health and fitness. Starting July 1st my whole life is going to change! I'm so excited, but terrified in the same breath. I've put a lot out there on the limb! If I don't succeed in my business...not only do I suffer, but so does my family! Sometimes the stress of it all seems unbearable...and last week I broke!

I'm working on a daily plan. I haven't finished it yet...but when I do I will be posting it! If I plan out each day, and be sure to complete what I plan, then life should fall into place for me! I know it's a big step...but I do beleive that I'm up for the challenge!

I was born to be successful...at whatever I choose to do! I do have it in me...I've just gotta reaquaint myself with that part of me!

Thanks for all the continued love and support from everyone! Unfortunately I will NOT be in the next round of Kari's competition...too much added pressure! But I will be watching and checking out how you guys are doing! I will also try to blog more often, and get my feelings out as therapy along the way!

Love you my Amigos...and again...THANKS FOR BEING THERE FOR ME!!!! xoxoxoxo

So Far...So good!

Well...it's day two of yet ANOTHER attempt to get my shit together! I'm hearing my Amigos having such success, and I gotta join them! Good news...Eugene has decided to do the walking with me in the mornings! He's getting up Mon, Tues, and Friday to walk for an hour...provided there's no rain! I know 3 days is not much...but it's all the time I have for now...and it's a start! I'm also getting my water and supplements in! My food choices are good...some room for improvement...but slow and steady...that's what I'm doing this time! It seems when I go "all or nothing", I crash! I've done that route about 6 times now...and I can't keep yo-yoing this 70lbs off and on, and off, and on, and off, and on again! I have to make permanent changes...which means I have to make changes that I can live with FOREVER!!!! And right now...it's just one baby step at a time!

So, that being said...I'm excited that I've done 2 days...and looking forward to Friday now...so I can go again! It's nice to talke to my hubby for an hour with no children interupting! I think this will not only help my health, but my marriage!

Here's to a bright, new, healthy future...slow and steady!@!!!

New Beginnings!

Wowsers...did I ever have an amazing long weekend! I had friends and family galore! I got the poool set up, the gardens all planted and weeded, and my yards (front and back), looking like heaven on earth! It sure was a lot of work...but I enjoyed it all! The sun was incredible...and I got quite the tan too! I must be honest though...my diet was terrible...and I drank 2 28 packs of Coors light all to myself! So you can just imagine what the scales did....up, up, up they went! I weighede in at 187.6 this morning! CRAP!!!! That's a whole lot I've gone up in the last two weeks! I know I've used my back as an excuse...but it really isn't an excuse to eat and drink like a piggy!

Enough of that! Today starts a new beginning! And it doesn't matter how many times I've said that before, cuz one of these times it'll stick! I'm not a failure until I quit trying right?! So I got up early and went for a 45 minute power walk with my hubby, my next door neighbour, and my puppy! We've all decided to take a flat route until I feel ok, cuz my back is still kinda "twingy". My hubby and neighbour both suffer from bad knees too...so they welcomed the idea of taking it easy at first! This will be an easy week cuz yesterday was a holiday (and I took full advantage of it because it was my last day), and I'm not getting up at 4:30 EVER again...so until the end of June I don't do my walk on Wednesday and Thursday because I am at the dental office!

My plan for food is simple actually! I start the day off with only fruit...I can have whatever fruit I want...but only fruit til noon! I've even given up coffee for the most part! I think I will give myself the luxury of a coffee on Saturdays and Sundays! I think moderation will be the key for me! When I take something away completely...I crave it even more than if I don't! I'm trying to keep my portions down to the size of a saucer...not a big plate! Salad is vital EVERY day...whether it's for lunch, supper, or maybe both! I can have it with tuna, chicken....or just with whatever meat is for dinner on the side! I need to get natures raw, fresh, foods into me! Nothing processed...no pasta, rice, potatoes, bread, or dairy...at least not too much of it! Can't take it completely away, cuz again...then I crave it right?!

I'm making sure to start with the supplements again...and water intake! I've never had a problem there anyways! I love water, and it's usually my drink of choice anyways...accept lately..alcohol has been!

Alcohol is completely banned during the week...and even on weekends, unless I have something special...like a wedding, a "buck and doe", or something like that! But I'm not drinking just cuz the sun is shining and the pool is nice and cool! GOT IT!!! I can enjoy the bonfires without the booze! Then I'll get more done the next day!

For my mind I'm getting back into the evening meditation! Reading and listening to my goals, and affirmations every day, and basically just keeping a positive outlook on life! I'm ready to take control of my life...and it all begins today! So far, so good...and I'm feeling great about my decisions!

Now to check in on my 2 Amigos to be sure they're in with me on the game plan!!! xoxo

I Choose To Win!!!

Well...this damn sciatica damage really threw me for a loop! I've never experienced it before (and quite honestly hope I never do again)...I can't imagine how people live that kind of pain chronically! On a good note...my treatments are working...that and staying off my feet as much as possible to let things heal! Lots of icing, and lots of stretching! I truly believe that I will be good to go Monday morning to get started again! I'm not even taking any meds today...gonna see how that goes for me! If it goes ok...then Monday FOR SURE I pick myself up, dust myself off...and get back in the game!

I was at a conference in Toronto all day yesterday...and I do mean all day. I left the house at 6:45 am and got home at 7:45 pm! I scarfed down a huge plate of chicken wings and french fries...after eating my healthy salmon fillet...why did I do that?! Anyways...point is, Iwas tired so I just went up to bed and turned on the tv! I'm sooooo grateful that I did that! Cuz BL was on, and I NEEDED the message! I've been too busy to follow the entire season, but I have watched the odd show when I could, so I knew the competitiors. I do believe that Daris did what he did just for me! He sabbotaged himself so I could see myself in him! That's what I do...have done time and time again! I get to a point where I feel incredible...then instince takes over and I binge! I binge til I feel like I could puke! I binge over and over and over...and it makes me feel worse, and worse and worse about myself! Then before I know it...I take a moment to look up in the mirror, and realize I"ve binged the entire 70lbs I worked so hard to loose right back on my body! It's insane...it really is! I'm serious when I tell you guys that I"ve lost this fkn 70lbs 4 times over!!!!!! It pisses me off that I've done that!

This time I haven't gained the entire amount back...but I didn't loose the entire amount either! I"m on the path of sabbotage BEFORE I even reached my goal...and that scares me! I was a blubbering fool during that episode! When he was down in the kitchen stuffing his face and not knowing why...I saw me! I want this to end...it has to! Then when he was making excuses for his weight gain...jTHAT WAS ME!!!!!! I started last week gung-ho! Unfortunatley I pinched, pulled, or whatever I did to my sciatica...then I did it....I USED IT FOR AN EXCUSE!!!!!! I used it to drink alcohol EVERY day to numb the pain...I used it to eat shit...cuz I tricked myself into thinking that it comforted me! I used it for an excuse to let everything I said I would do...both with fitness and with my business...fall to the way-side! Why did I do that?

It's time I take accountability and ownership for all my past mistakes regarding my weight, my health, my relationships, and my business! It's time I set goals...AND STICK TO THEM!!! It's time I take what life gives me and run with it! I was blessed with so many gifts and I don't let them shine! It's time I let them shine for everyone to see! It's time I become truly happy with myself and enjoy the journey of life!

It's time...and this time...I'M REALLY READY!!!

I'm remaking my goals...setting smaller, more managable goals! I'm celebrating eaach success I achieve...and I'm making this happen! Even if my back doesn't feel great on Monday...I'll have a back-up plan...but I WILL DO SOMETHING!!! And I will start to eat properly, and take my supplements and drink my water!

I've got the best support team in the world...Spitz and Spunkster...they've been with me all the way! We;re a team...and I won't let my team down! I'm with ya girls...the 3 Amigos are gonna reach their goals this year...all of us...all of our goals! xoxoxo

Not as Good Today

OK...so on the days Iwork at the dental office I already stated that I won't be going for my early power walk cuz I refuse to get up before 6 am! Thank God I worked today! For one...it was pissing rain and that woulda sucked cuz it's also FREEZING cold! And my sciatica is REALLY messed up! The pain actually woke me up from a dead sleep several times last night! I feel like crap...and my whole body aches! I started my day off excellent with the fruit and veggy juicer, supplements, and water til lunch...then it happened! I feel so shitty that I ate shitty too!!! Funny how that works for me. I had a chicken wrap...not so bad...but I followed it with nachos and guacamole and one of the MONSTER size Mr. Big chocolate bars! I couldn't help myself! I feel soooo terrible, and that just added to it!

Oh well...what's done is done! I faltered in the moment! That just mean that dinner must be a salad ONLY! I wish this damn headache would go away! GRRRRRRR......

Day 2...WhooHoo...let the streak begin!

Yuppers...yesterday was a success!! Even my eating was great! The only thing I ate that I questioned was 10 whole wheat chips to dip my homemade guacamole (that's healthy right?) Anyways....I wasn't sure...so I limited myself to 10...but it was a GREAT treat regardless!!!

I got in all my water, and supplements, and did the juicer...and only fruit til noon! I ate salad for lunch and supper...with a little chicken breast on the side with lunch...and ham on the side for dinner! I made the boys scalloped potatoes to go with the ham for dinner (of which I only had one fork of...just to satisfy the craving)! I filled up on the steamed broccolli instead! Amazing that that one fork curbed the craving so I didn't feel so damn deprived! I think I'm onto something here! LOL!!!

This morning I've already done my fresh juicer, and my supplements and my walk with Eugene and Wicket! Something weird happened though! I don't know if I need to stretch more or what...but half way through the walk my leg "gave out". Like I mean went totally numb from my butt all the way down to my toes! I've NEVER had that happen before! It was so hard to finish my walk with it hurting like that! At first it was numb, but then it just shot pain up and down the entire leg...with the most pain in behind the knee, and up at the base of my sppine! I don't know what it's all about...but I KNOW it won't stop me! I think I'm gonna have to find the time today to do some extra stretching just to be sure it's not just tight muscles! Amazing how fast your body can get out of shape eh?

Well...I'm off to finish my goals with my business now that health is a "check" for the day! Isn't this journey great?!

So great to be back!

Just Breathe....Day 1

Alrighty...just read Lisa's blog...and it looks like I wasn't alone this weekend! I totally buggered it up...but like her, I'm not worrying about it! Todays the new beginning for me! Today I start my new life of health and fitness! Today I stand up for myself and my sucess! Today...I too...start doing!

Got up this morning and went for my power walk! My hubby even came with me! I love that h'es gonna try and do this with me...so long as his knees don't start acting up again! I've already taken my supplements, and so far so good with the fruit for the mornings! I know I can do this...not just the fitness goals of my life...but the personal goals, and the business goals! I have already acomplished soooo much in my life, and it's time to get back on the winning streak that I was on a few years back!

I'm living my life one moment at a time...using each moment wisely. Making each choice for myself with determination to better myself! Today is the start of my journey! I'm letting the past few months lay down and sleep! I don't need them anymore! I'm keeping my eyes open, and head held high looking forward! I can't change the past...so why the hell should I let my past failures control my future outcomes! The only thing I have control over is now and the future...so that's where my focus is!

FEELS GREAT TO BE BACK!!!