Well...this damn sciatica damage really threw me for a loop! I've never experienced it before (and quite honestly hope I never do again)...I can't imagine how people live that kind of pain chronically! On a good note...my treatments are working...that and staying off my feet as much as possible to let things heal! Lots of icing, and lots of stretching! I truly believe that I will be good to go Monday morning to get started again! I'm not even taking any meds today...gonna see how that goes for me! If it goes ok...then Monday FOR SURE I pick myself up, dust myself off...and get back in the game!
I was at a conference in Toronto all day yesterday...and I do mean all day. I left the house at 6:45 am and got home at 7:45 pm! I scarfed down a huge plate of chicken wings and french fries...after eating my healthy salmon fillet...why did I do that?! Anyways...point is, Iwas tired so I just went up to bed and turned on the tv! I'm sooooo grateful that I did that! Cuz BL was on, and I NEEDED the message! I've been too busy to follow the entire season, but I have watched the odd show when I could, so I knew the competitiors. I do believe that Daris did what he did just for me! He sabbotaged himself so I could see myself in him! That's what I do...have done time and time again! I get to a point where I feel incredible...then instince takes over and I binge! I binge til I feel like I could puke! I binge over and over and over...and it makes me feel worse, and worse and worse about myself! Then before I know it...I take a moment to look up in the mirror, and realize I"ve binged the entire 70lbs I worked so hard to loose right back on my body! It's insane...it really is! I'm serious when I tell you guys that I"ve lost this fkn 70lbs 4 times over!!!!!! It pisses me off that I've done that!
This time I haven't gained the entire amount back...but I didn't loose the entire amount either! I"m on the path of sabbotage BEFORE I even reached my goal...and that scares me! I was a blubbering fool during that episode! When he was down in the kitchen stuffing his face and not knowing why...I saw me! I want this to end...it has to! Then when he was making excuses for his weight gain...jTHAT WAS ME!!!!!! I started last week gung-ho! Unfortunatley I pinched, pulled, or whatever I did to my sciatica...then I did it....I USED IT FOR AN EXCUSE!!!!!! I used it to drink alcohol EVERY day to numb the pain...I used it to eat shit...cuz I tricked myself into thinking that it comforted me! I used it for an excuse to let everything I said I would do...both with fitness and with my business...fall to the way-side! Why did I do that?
It's time I take accountability and ownership for all my past mistakes regarding my weight, my health, my relationships, and my business! It's time I set goals...AND STICK TO THEM!!! It's time I take what life gives me and run with it! I was blessed with so many gifts and I don't let them shine! It's time I let them shine for everyone to see! It's time I become truly happy with myself and enjoy the journey of life!
It's time...and this time...I'M REALLY READY!!!
I'm remaking my goals...setting smaller, more managable goals! I'm celebrating eaach success I achieve...and I'm making this happen! Even if my back doesn't feel great on Monday...I'll have a back-up plan...but I WILL DO SOMETHING!!! And I will start to eat properly, and take my supplements and drink my water!
I've got the best support team in the world...Spitz and Spunkster...they've been with me all the way! We;re a team...and I won't let my team down! I'm with ya girls...the 3 Amigos are gonna reach their goals this year...all of us...all of our goals! xoxoxo
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Good for you hun!!!! We ARE going to do this...and it all starts now! It's mind over matter...and I am choosing only good things! I just posted a blog too...funny how Daris spoke to alot of us...I too had a bingefest yesterday at work! It was a long time coming and I felt like crap and guilty and everything. Most of all I felt sick and I think I needed that to get out of the funk I was in for some time.
ReplyDeleteDamn right you have the best support team...all three of us do. We are all in such different places in our journey and yet it works so well for us all!!!! 3 Amigos!!!
VERY PROUD OF YOU! That aha moment was what u needed. Now you need to remember it. This is about YOU. This IS a journey that you can enjoy. We all can. It`s about living and loving and being happy within ourselves so we can be a shining vibrant woman for everyone else in our lives.
ReplyDelete3 muskateers. All for 1, 1 for all!
3 amigos.
Why is it the best things come in 3`s?