OK Spitz...this one is for you! You keep telling me to blog, and that it's "freeing"...well here it goes!
I'm pissed off with myself and with life in general! I was doing so great with this, and I've let it go...seriously let it go! I've gained 20lbs of the 40 I've lost, and I don't really see an end in sight! I've let all the stresses that I'm going through take over, and the food and wine IS comforting!!!!!!
I'm sick and tired of making false promises to myself! I've never finished what I started and I suppose this is just another example of it!!!
I've drawn myself out of the competition because quite frankly it's embarrassing to keep posting that I'm gaining weight while everyone else is losing weight!!! And I hate seeing the same winners month after month in shock of winning!! You won because you actually worked at it!!!!! It really is THAT simple!
I'm tired of feeling weak, when my two Amigos are on another run....and I'm really just not up to it this time round! Geesh...what else can I say!
I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired! This is perhaps why I haven't been blogging! But I have been reading everyone else's blogs! I do love seeing that some people out there are having success!...even if it's not me! So while I may not be blogging myself (cuz I hate being so negative), I'm not gone complettely...just hiding in the shadows!
My appologies to anyone who may have found this offensive...that's really not my intention here! I guess my inner hurt is so raw right now, and my shame so deep, that unfortunately I'm not that great at expressing it! I am TRULY happy for those of you who are doing great...and I LOVE reading about it! Keep up the good work!! As for me...maybe I can start fresh next week if I can pull my head up out of my ass in the meantime!!
Sorry again....
Pitbull
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OMG!!! When you are down and negative that's the best time to blog...even if no one reads it!!! It helps you get to the root of your problems. It is freeing!!! Think of how you expressed yourself right now!!! That's so much more healthier than drowning your sorrows in alcohol and food. And you shouldn't feel ashamed...okay so you've gained 20 lbs but you didn't gain it all back...you stopped before that happened!!! that's what matter's. And if you aren't ready for things who cares!!! I'm not ready for the 5K not even a little bit...I feel less ready than last time...last time it was the unknown...now I'm just plain scared LOL. I didn't want to get back on the wagon...I said I did but I didn't at the time...I wanted more woe is me days and I wanted the pity party...that's how it works. But I told my brain to shut up for a minute and did well just one day and you know what it made me want to do well the next day...and so it might only be day 3 of me back on but I feel much stronger and you will to. All you need is to put the damn wine bottle down!!!! It's clouding your vision. You do have an end in sight...it's at goal and you can finish what you start...I'm the same way...I've never finished anything in my life!!!! well having Becca but I really didn't have a choice once that starts you can't help but have to have the baby LOL. But seriously anything that I've wanted to do I didn't finish...until I met you guys...and I finished a 5K...and you know what so did you! You have finished things and you will again...you just need your drive back. You can't do it for a vacation or a picture in a bikini...do it for just feeling good about you...and it starts now. You need to look in the mirror and find the things you like and ignore your brain when it starts to pick out the things you dislike. Look at what you like and concentrate on that and then give yourself a hug. I think most importantly right now you need to give yourself some slack and that doesn't mean eat the bad stuff...that means give yourself some credit...you lost 40 lbs and you can lose another 40 sometimes our bodies need to fall of the wagon to reset. I bet this time if you really focus and try you can lose that 40 lbs faster than the last time. TELL ME YOU WANT IT!!!! Now go hug yourself...throw out all the alcohol in your house and the shitty food and declare your house a healthy food house...the kids will deal with it and will be better for it! Grab some water and start cleansing your body and your mind!!! Get rid of those poisonous thoughts you are soooo worth this journey.
ReplyDeleteoh and I love you :)
ReplyDeleteWell, Pammy said it.
ReplyDeleteI txted you and said some too.
Now, forget about the rest and just do your best. You're still 20 down, and that's better than up. You still have drive and ambition and goals. You can SO do this. You need to blog every day...before it turns into a huge monster and you go off the deep end.
Love you, and remember what I said to you this morning, via txt! Call me next time you feel dispair like this. SERIOUSLY! Or I'ma have to come back down there and kick some booty :oP
Thanks ladies! Love you to pieces! I"m gonna get back on track! Gonna take this weekend to get organized cuz things are a shambles! Gonna rewrite my list...and make a fresh one of the things I've accomplished! Gonna get healthy foods in my house....and gonna announce to the hubby and friends to lay off the alcohol invites, cuz I'm not participating...well...accept for a few "EVENTS" that I've got coming up...like a buck-and-doe, and wedding, and Vegas trip, and Dental convention! But those are all stretched out over the entire summer...so it will be ok! Thanks for the kick in the ass....I needed it! And YES...blogging will be on my list of things to get started on Monday! But I AM OUT of the contest though! Screwed that one up anyways by not blogging or weighing in...but I don't care...this is gonna be for ME!!!!!
ReplyDeletePS...love you ladies more than you know!