Wowsers...did I ever have an amazing long weekend! I had friends and family galore! I got the poool set up, the gardens all planted and weeded, and my yards (front and back), looking like heaven on earth! It sure was a lot of work...but I enjoyed it all! The sun was incredible...and I got quite the tan too! I must be honest though...my diet was terrible...and I drank 2 28 packs of Coors light all to myself! So you can just imagine what the scales did....up, up, up they went! I weighede in at 187.6 this morning! CRAP!!!! That's a whole lot I've gone up in the last two weeks! I know I've used my back as an excuse...but it really isn't an excuse to eat and drink like a piggy!
Enough of that! Today starts a new beginning! And it doesn't matter how many times I've said that before, cuz one of these times it'll stick! I'm not a failure until I quit trying right?! So I got up early and went for a 45 minute power walk with my hubby, my next door neighbour, and my puppy! We've all decided to take a flat route until I feel ok, cuz my back is still kinda "twingy". My hubby and neighbour both suffer from bad knees too...so they welcomed the idea of taking it easy at first! This will be an easy week cuz yesterday was a holiday (and I took full advantage of it because it was my last day), and I'm not getting up at 4:30 EVER again...so until the end of June I don't do my walk on Wednesday and Thursday because I am at the dental office!
My plan for food is simple actually! I start the day off with only fruit...I can have whatever fruit I want...but only fruit til noon! I've even given up coffee for the most part! I think I will give myself the luxury of a coffee on Saturdays and Sundays! I think moderation will be the key for me! When I take something away completely...I crave it even more than if I don't! I'm trying to keep my portions down to the size of a saucer...not a big plate! Salad is vital EVERY day...whether it's for lunch, supper, or maybe both! I can have it with tuna, chicken....or just with whatever meat is for dinner on the side! I need to get natures raw, fresh, foods into me! Nothing processed...no pasta, rice, potatoes, bread, or dairy...at least not too much of it! Can't take it completely away, cuz again...then I crave it right?!
I'm making sure to start with the supplements again...and water intake! I've never had a problem there anyways! I love water, and it's usually my drink of choice anyways...accept lately..alcohol has been!
Alcohol is completely banned during the week...and even on weekends, unless I have something special...like a wedding, a "buck and doe", or something like that! But I'm not drinking just cuz the sun is shining and the pool is nice and cool! GOT IT!!! I can enjoy the bonfires without the booze! Then I'll get more done the next day!
For my mind I'm getting back into the evening meditation! Reading and listening to my goals, and affirmations every day, and basically just keeping a positive outlook on life! I'm ready to take control of my life...and it all begins today! So far, so good...and I'm feeling great about my decisions!
Now to check in on my 2 Amigos to be sure they're in with me on the game plan!!! xoxo
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
I Choose To Win!!!
Well...this damn sciatica damage really threw me for a loop! I've never experienced it before (and quite honestly hope I never do again)...I can't imagine how people live that kind of pain chronically! On a good note...my treatments are working...that and staying off my feet as much as possible to let things heal! Lots of icing, and lots of stretching! I truly believe that I will be good to go Monday morning to get started again! I'm not even taking any meds today...gonna see how that goes for me! If it goes ok...then Monday FOR SURE I pick myself up, dust myself off...and get back in the game!
I was at a conference in Toronto all day yesterday...and I do mean all day. I left the house at 6:45 am and got home at 7:45 pm! I scarfed down a huge plate of chicken wings and french fries...after eating my healthy salmon fillet...why did I do that?! Anyways...point is, Iwas tired so I just went up to bed and turned on the tv! I'm sooooo grateful that I did that! Cuz BL was on, and I NEEDED the message! I've been too busy to follow the entire season, but I have watched the odd show when I could, so I knew the competitiors. I do believe that Daris did what he did just for me! He sabbotaged himself so I could see myself in him! That's what I do...have done time and time again! I get to a point where I feel incredible...then instince takes over and I binge! I binge til I feel like I could puke! I binge over and over and over...and it makes me feel worse, and worse and worse about myself! Then before I know it...I take a moment to look up in the mirror, and realize I"ve binged the entire 70lbs I worked so hard to loose right back on my body! It's insane...it really is! I'm serious when I tell you guys that I"ve lost this fkn 70lbs 4 times over!!!!!! It pisses me off that I've done that!
This time I haven't gained the entire amount back...but I didn't loose the entire amount either! I"m on the path of sabbotage BEFORE I even reached my goal...and that scares me! I was a blubbering fool during that episode! When he was down in the kitchen stuffing his face and not knowing why...I saw me! I want this to end...it has to! Then when he was making excuses for his weight gain...jTHAT WAS ME!!!!!! I started last week gung-ho! Unfortunatley I pinched, pulled, or whatever I did to my sciatica...then I did it....I USED IT FOR AN EXCUSE!!!!!! I used it to drink alcohol EVERY day to numb the pain...I used it to eat shit...cuz I tricked myself into thinking that it comforted me! I used it for an excuse to let everything I said I would do...both with fitness and with my business...fall to the way-side! Why did I do that?
It's time I take accountability and ownership for all my past mistakes regarding my weight, my health, my relationships, and my business! It's time I set goals...AND STICK TO THEM!!! It's time I take what life gives me and run with it! I was blessed with so many gifts and I don't let them shine! It's time I let them shine for everyone to see! It's time I become truly happy with myself and enjoy the journey of life!
It's time...and this time...I'M REALLY READY!!!
I'm remaking my goals...setting smaller, more managable goals! I'm celebrating eaach success I achieve...and I'm making this happen! Even if my back doesn't feel great on Monday...I'll have a back-up plan...but I WILL DO SOMETHING!!! And I will start to eat properly, and take my supplements and drink my water!
I've got the best support team in the world...Spitz and Spunkster...they've been with me all the way! We;re a team...and I won't let my team down! I'm with ya girls...the 3 Amigos are gonna reach their goals this year...all of us...all of our goals! xoxoxo
I was at a conference in Toronto all day yesterday...and I do mean all day. I left the house at 6:45 am and got home at 7:45 pm! I scarfed down a huge plate of chicken wings and french fries...after eating my healthy salmon fillet...why did I do that?! Anyways...point is, Iwas tired so I just went up to bed and turned on the tv! I'm sooooo grateful that I did that! Cuz BL was on, and I NEEDED the message! I've been too busy to follow the entire season, but I have watched the odd show when I could, so I knew the competitiors. I do believe that Daris did what he did just for me! He sabbotaged himself so I could see myself in him! That's what I do...have done time and time again! I get to a point where I feel incredible...then instince takes over and I binge! I binge til I feel like I could puke! I binge over and over and over...and it makes me feel worse, and worse and worse about myself! Then before I know it...I take a moment to look up in the mirror, and realize I"ve binged the entire 70lbs I worked so hard to loose right back on my body! It's insane...it really is! I'm serious when I tell you guys that I"ve lost this fkn 70lbs 4 times over!!!!!! It pisses me off that I've done that!
This time I haven't gained the entire amount back...but I didn't loose the entire amount either! I"m on the path of sabbotage BEFORE I even reached my goal...and that scares me! I was a blubbering fool during that episode! When he was down in the kitchen stuffing his face and not knowing why...I saw me! I want this to end...it has to! Then when he was making excuses for his weight gain...jTHAT WAS ME!!!!!! I started last week gung-ho! Unfortunatley I pinched, pulled, or whatever I did to my sciatica...then I did it....I USED IT FOR AN EXCUSE!!!!!! I used it to drink alcohol EVERY day to numb the pain...I used it to eat shit...cuz I tricked myself into thinking that it comforted me! I used it for an excuse to let everything I said I would do...both with fitness and with my business...fall to the way-side! Why did I do that?
It's time I take accountability and ownership for all my past mistakes regarding my weight, my health, my relationships, and my business! It's time I set goals...AND STICK TO THEM!!! It's time I take what life gives me and run with it! I was blessed with so many gifts and I don't let them shine! It's time I let them shine for everyone to see! It's time I become truly happy with myself and enjoy the journey of life!
It's time...and this time...I'M REALLY READY!!!
I'm remaking my goals...setting smaller, more managable goals! I'm celebrating eaach success I achieve...and I'm making this happen! Even if my back doesn't feel great on Monday...I'll have a back-up plan...but I WILL DO SOMETHING!!! And I will start to eat properly, and take my supplements and drink my water!
I've got the best support team in the world...Spitz and Spunkster...they've been with me all the way! We;re a team...and I won't let my team down! I'm with ya girls...the 3 Amigos are gonna reach their goals this year...all of us...all of our goals! xoxoxo
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Not as Good Today
OK...so on the days Iwork at the dental office I already stated that I won't be going for my early power walk cuz I refuse to get up before 6 am! Thank God I worked today! For one...it was pissing rain and that woulda sucked cuz it's also FREEZING cold! And my sciatica is REALLY messed up! The pain actually woke me up from a dead sleep several times last night! I feel like crap...and my whole body aches! I started my day off excellent with the fruit and veggy juicer, supplements, and water til lunch...then it happened! I feel so shitty that I ate shitty too!!! Funny how that works for me. I had a chicken wrap...not so bad...but I followed it with nachos and guacamole and one of the MONSTER size Mr. Big chocolate bars! I couldn't help myself! I feel soooo terrible, and that just added to it!
Oh well...what's done is done! I faltered in the moment! That just mean that dinner must be a salad ONLY! I wish this damn headache would go away! GRRRRRRR......
Oh well...what's done is done! I faltered in the moment! That just mean that dinner must be a salad ONLY! I wish this damn headache would go away! GRRRRRRR......
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Day 2...WhooHoo...let the streak begin!
Yuppers...yesterday was a success!! Even my eating was great! The only thing I ate that I questioned was 10 whole wheat chips to dip my homemade guacamole (that's healthy right?) Anyways....I wasn't sure...so I limited myself to 10...but it was a GREAT treat regardless!!!
I got in all my water, and supplements, and did the juicer...and only fruit til noon! I ate salad for lunch and supper...with a little chicken breast on the side with lunch...and ham on the side for dinner! I made the boys scalloped potatoes to go with the ham for dinner (of which I only had one fork of...just to satisfy the craving)! I filled up on the steamed broccolli instead! Amazing that that one fork curbed the craving so I didn't feel so damn deprived! I think I'm onto something here! LOL!!!
This morning I've already done my fresh juicer, and my supplements and my walk with Eugene and Wicket! Something weird happened though! I don't know if I need to stretch more or what...but half way through the walk my leg "gave out". Like I mean went totally numb from my butt all the way down to my toes! I've NEVER had that happen before! It was so hard to finish my walk with it hurting like that! At first it was numb, but then it just shot pain up and down the entire leg...with the most pain in behind the knee, and up at the base of my sppine! I don't know what it's all about...but I KNOW it won't stop me! I think I'm gonna have to find the time today to do some extra stretching just to be sure it's not just tight muscles! Amazing how fast your body can get out of shape eh?
Well...I'm off to finish my goals with my business now that health is a "check" for the day! Isn't this journey great?!
So great to be back!
I got in all my water, and supplements, and did the juicer...and only fruit til noon! I ate salad for lunch and supper...with a little chicken breast on the side with lunch...and ham on the side for dinner! I made the boys scalloped potatoes to go with the ham for dinner (of which I only had one fork of...just to satisfy the craving)! I filled up on the steamed broccolli instead! Amazing that that one fork curbed the craving so I didn't feel so damn deprived! I think I'm onto something here! LOL!!!
This morning I've already done my fresh juicer, and my supplements and my walk with Eugene and Wicket! Something weird happened though! I don't know if I need to stretch more or what...but half way through the walk my leg "gave out". Like I mean went totally numb from my butt all the way down to my toes! I've NEVER had that happen before! It was so hard to finish my walk with it hurting like that! At first it was numb, but then it just shot pain up and down the entire leg...with the most pain in behind the knee, and up at the base of my sppine! I don't know what it's all about...but I KNOW it won't stop me! I think I'm gonna have to find the time today to do some extra stretching just to be sure it's not just tight muscles! Amazing how fast your body can get out of shape eh?
Well...I'm off to finish my goals with my business now that health is a "check" for the day! Isn't this journey great?!
So great to be back!
Monday, May 10, 2010
Just Breathe....Day 1
Alrighty...just read Lisa's blog...and it looks like I wasn't alone this weekend! I totally buggered it up...but like her, I'm not worrying about it! Todays the new beginning for me! Today I start my new life of health and fitness! Today I stand up for myself and my sucess! Today...I too...start doing!
Got up this morning and went for my power walk! My hubby even came with me! I love that h'es gonna try and do this with me...so long as his knees don't start acting up again! I've already taken my supplements, and so far so good with the fruit for the mornings! I know I can do this...not just the fitness goals of my life...but the personal goals, and the business goals! I have already acomplished soooo much in my life, and it's time to get back on the winning streak that I was on a few years back!
I'm living my life one moment at a time...using each moment wisely. Making each choice for myself with determination to better myself! Today is the start of my journey! I'm letting the past few months lay down and sleep! I don't need them anymore! I'm keeping my eyes open, and head held high looking forward! I can't change the past...so why the hell should I let my past failures control my future outcomes! The only thing I have control over is now and the future...so that's where my focus is!
FEELS GREAT TO BE BACK!!!
Got up this morning and went for my power walk! My hubby even came with me! I love that h'es gonna try and do this with me...so long as his knees don't start acting up again! I've already taken my supplements, and so far so good with the fruit for the mornings! I know I can do this...not just the fitness goals of my life...but the personal goals, and the business goals! I have already acomplished soooo much in my life, and it's time to get back on the winning streak that I was on a few years back!
I'm living my life one moment at a time...using each moment wisely. Making each choice for myself with determination to better myself! Today is the start of my journey! I'm letting the past few months lay down and sleep! I don't need them anymore! I'm keeping my eyes open, and head held high looking forward! I can't change the past...so why the hell should I let my past failures control my future outcomes! The only thing I have control over is now and the future...so that's where my focus is!
FEELS GREAT TO BE BACK!!!
Friday, May 7, 2010
Point Taken
Alright ladies, this is gonna be a VERY long blog today! I've done some serious soul searching since my 2 Amigos gave me my much needed kick in the ass! I have to admit that I have let myself become enslaved by a few arch enemies lately....fear....self-doubt....denial....laziness...and the list goes on! you get the point! I don't live in a country as free as Canada to be a slave to anyone or anything!
I went to a conference in Toronto all day yesterday...it was supposesd to be about business! Funny thing is that a lot of their messages hit me in a completely different way! Sure, it applies to my business...but OMG...it also applies to my life...my level of fitness...my relationships...you name it...it applies!
I'm gonna share a few quotes that hit me hard enough I was compelled to write them down!
"Don't wait for "someday" to do something...there is no "someday" on any calendar in history!"
"The opposite of security is opportunity"
"If you don't stand for anything...you will fall for everything!"
"The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places along the way."
And my personal favorite of the day was...
"Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go!"
It's time to hang in there...I am a succes...and I refuse to let go!!! Spunkster and Spitz reminded me of all the many things I have succeeded at....I need to celebrate my successes a LOT more often...and not my donwnfalls! I really am a success!!! I have lost 40lbs so far on this journey. It doesn't matter that I've gained 20 back!!! I realize where I went wrong...and I intend to fix it!
I am raising 6 wonderful children (well only 3 left at home now...but the other 3 still count), while working a full-time dental job, starting a part-time business that has taken off to the point that I've quit dentistry as of June 30th this year, I do all the bookwork for my husbands contracting business (and I'm damn good at it), and we both work together to manage and operate our 5 rental properties! All while still keeping my home more organized and clean than most mothers. NO WONDER I've lost myself, burnt out, and embarked on this pathetic pity party! Just reading that over makes me tired!!!!!
I'm excited to say that I've discovered balance! My husband has decided to help more around the house, and take over a little more with the rentals! YAY!!!
I've gone down to 2 days a week at the dental office for the next 2 months while we train my permanent repalacement...that frees up the time I need to put into my business before I go full-time! Not to mention...now I can fit in exercise! With my other schedule I was trying to get up at 4:15am to fit it in there...but I got burnt out pretty quickly...and that was the start of this whole spiral thing! I started to need the sleep, so since I didn't exercise, it was an open invitation to eat shit too!!!! WRONG...on SOOOOO many levels! Regardless, it's behind me now, and I've made a new resolve!
On Monday, Tues, and Friday, I will get up at 6:00 to go for an amazing power walk/jog with my dog, and on Wed, Thurs, Iwill get up at 6:00 to go to work! Getting in 3 days of exercise a week is great to start...until I'm full-time...at which time I jog every morning to start off my day! I can handle getting up at 6...I feel human then...and I won't burn out!
My morning starts with the proper supplements, and fresh juice (bought a juicer...soooo good for you...this morning I mixed celery, spinach, pear, grapes, apple, and grapefruit...soooooo yummy). I am giving up coffee complletely. Flushing my system every day by eating only fruit until lunctime.
Lunch is consisiting of either salad with chicken or tuna, or a protein shake! Then dinner is going to be salad, with a white protein (chicken, turkey, fish)
I am doing 10 rounds of cleansing breaths 3 times a day, and getting my evening meditation and visualization in! I am beginning and ending each day by reading my affirmations, and my goals for this year so I remain focussed on them!
Alcohol is out...accept for special occasions...and I will be the judge of what is deemed special enough...not ANYBODY else!
I am working on my health...not a number on the scale...and I intend to blog at least once a week! I am going to give my body what it needs in order for it to function the most optimally possible!
This girl has big dreams, big goals, a big heart....and an even bigger spirit to win at life! I was born to do great things, and it's time I lived up to my destiny!
I guess what I'm saying is...this weekend is all about prepping and buying, and laying down the tracks...cuz on Monday...this train is leaving the station! Not to mean that this weekend I go nuts either! I do have one or two cravings I plan to get out of my system...but nothing crazy...that I can promise...especially no alcohol...I need to keep my mind focused on the dream...cuz I really am gonna finish what I started this year! I have 8 months left...and I'm gonna use every day of every month to better myself and get closer to living the life I deserve!!!!
Here we go 3 Amigos...I think we're all at a place where this is going to work! Let's continue to be there for each other and help each other along the way! You have my promise that I'm in it to win it babies!!! Love you both more than you know!
Pitbull,
xoxoxoxo
I went to a conference in Toronto all day yesterday...it was supposesd to be about business! Funny thing is that a lot of their messages hit me in a completely different way! Sure, it applies to my business...but OMG...it also applies to my life...my level of fitness...my relationships...you name it...it applies!
I'm gonna share a few quotes that hit me hard enough I was compelled to write them down!
"Don't wait for "someday" to do something...there is no "someday" on any calendar in history!"
"The opposite of security is opportunity"
"If you don't stand for anything...you will fall for everything!"
"The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places along the way."
And my personal favorite of the day was...
"Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go!"
It's time to hang in there...I am a succes...and I refuse to let go!!! Spunkster and Spitz reminded me of all the many things I have succeeded at....I need to celebrate my successes a LOT more often...and not my donwnfalls! I really am a success!!! I have lost 40lbs so far on this journey. It doesn't matter that I've gained 20 back!!! I realize where I went wrong...and I intend to fix it!
I am raising 6 wonderful children (well only 3 left at home now...but the other 3 still count), while working a full-time dental job, starting a part-time business that has taken off to the point that I've quit dentistry as of June 30th this year, I do all the bookwork for my husbands contracting business (and I'm damn good at it), and we both work together to manage and operate our 5 rental properties! All while still keeping my home more organized and clean than most mothers. NO WONDER I've lost myself, burnt out, and embarked on this pathetic pity party! Just reading that over makes me tired!!!!!
I'm excited to say that I've discovered balance! My husband has decided to help more around the house, and take over a little more with the rentals! YAY!!!
I've gone down to 2 days a week at the dental office for the next 2 months while we train my permanent repalacement...that frees up the time I need to put into my business before I go full-time! Not to mention...now I can fit in exercise! With my other schedule I was trying to get up at 4:15am to fit it in there...but I got burnt out pretty quickly...and that was the start of this whole spiral thing! I started to need the sleep, so since I didn't exercise, it was an open invitation to eat shit too!!!! WRONG...on SOOOOO many levels! Regardless, it's behind me now, and I've made a new resolve!
On Monday, Tues, and Friday, I will get up at 6:00 to go for an amazing power walk/jog with my dog, and on Wed, Thurs, Iwill get up at 6:00 to go to work! Getting in 3 days of exercise a week is great to start...until I'm full-time...at which time I jog every morning to start off my day! I can handle getting up at 6...I feel human then...and I won't burn out!
My morning starts with the proper supplements, and fresh juice (bought a juicer...soooo good for you...this morning I mixed celery, spinach, pear, grapes, apple, and grapefruit...soooooo yummy). I am giving up coffee complletely. Flushing my system every day by eating only fruit until lunctime.
Lunch is consisiting of either salad with chicken or tuna, or a protein shake! Then dinner is going to be salad, with a white protein (chicken, turkey, fish)
I am doing 10 rounds of cleansing breaths 3 times a day, and getting my evening meditation and visualization in! I am beginning and ending each day by reading my affirmations, and my goals for this year so I remain focussed on them!
Alcohol is out...accept for special occasions...and I will be the judge of what is deemed special enough...not ANYBODY else!
I am working on my health...not a number on the scale...and I intend to blog at least once a week! I am going to give my body what it needs in order for it to function the most optimally possible!
This girl has big dreams, big goals, a big heart....and an even bigger spirit to win at life! I was born to do great things, and it's time I lived up to my destiny!
I guess what I'm saying is...this weekend is all about prepping and buying, and laying down the tracks...cuz on Monday...this train is leaving the station! Not to mean that this weekend I go nuts either! I do have one or two cravings I plan to get out of my system...but nothing crazy...that I can promise...especially no alcohol...I need to keep my mind focused on the dream...cuz I really am gonna finish what I started this year! I have 8 months left...and I'm gonna use every day of every month to better myself and get closer to living the life I deserve!!!!
Here we go 3 Amigos...I think we're all at a place where this is going to work! Let's continue to be there for each other and help each other along the way! You have my promise that I'm in it to win it babies!!! Love you both more than you know!
Pitbull,
xoxoxoxo
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Blah, Blah, Blah
OK Spitz...this one is for you! You keep telling me to blog, and that it's "freeing"...well here it goes!
I'm pissed off with myself and with life in general! I was doing so great with this, and I've let it go...seriously let it go! I've gained 20lbs of the 40 I've lost, and I don't really see an end in sight! I've let all the stresses that I'm going through take over, and the food and wine IS comforting!!!!!!
I'm sick and tired of making false promises to myself! I've never finished what I started and I suppose this is just another example of it!!!
I've drawn myself out of the competition because quite frankly it's embarrassing to keep posting that I'm gaining weight while everyone else is losing weight!!! And I hate seeing the same winners month after month in shock of winning!! You won because you actually worked at it!!!!! It really is THAT simple!
I'm tired of feeling weak, when my two Amigos are on another run....and I'm really just not up to it this time round! Geesh...what else can I say!
I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired! This is perhaps why I haven't been blogging! But I have been reading everyone else's blogs! I do love seeing that some people out there are having success!...even if it's not me! So while I may not be blogging myself (cuz I hate being so negative), I'm not gone complettely...just hiding in the shadows!
My appologies to anyone who may have found this offensive...that's really not my intention here! I guess my inner hurt is so raw right now, and my shame so deep, that unfortunately I'm not that great at expressing it! I am TRULY happy for those of you who are doing great...and I LOVE reading about it! Keep up the good work!! As for me...maybe I can start fresh next week if I can pull my head up out of my ass in the meantime!!
Sorry again....
Pitbull
I'm pissed off with myself and with life in general! I was doing so great with this, and I've let it go...seriously let it go! I've gained 20lbs of the 40 I've lost, and I don't really see an end in sight! I've let all the stresses that I'm going through take over, and the food and wine IS comforting!!!!!!
I'm sick and tired of making false promises to myself! I've never finished what I started and I suppose this is just another example of it!!!
I've drawn myself out of the competition because quite frankly it's embarrassing to keep posting that I'm gaining weight while everyone else is losing weight!!! And I hate seeing the same winners month after month in shock of winning!! You won because you actually worked at it!!!!! It really is THAT simple!
I'm tired of feeling weak, when my two Amigos are on another run....and I'm really just not up to it this time round! Geesh...what else can I say!
I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired! This is perhaps why I haven't been blogging! But I have been reading everyone else's blogs! I do love seeing that some people out there are having success!...even if it's not me! So while I may not be blogging myself (cuz I hate being so negative), I'm not gone complettely...just hiding in the shadows!
My appologies to anyone who may have found this offensive...that's really not my intention here! I guess my inner hurt is so raw right now, and my shame so deep, that unfortunately I'm not that great at expressing it! I am TRULY happy for those of you who are doing great...and I LOVE reading about it! Keep up the good work!! As for me...maybe I can start fresh next week if I can pull my head up out of my ass in the meantime!!
Sorry again....
Pitbull
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