Wait for me Amigos!!!

Well...I may not have been doing what I should have this month (or what I even promised I would), but I have been reading the posts of my Amigos to keep my spirits up through this stupid "funk" that I'm in for some reason! I must say, that the last 2 days, the entries I've read have really touched me! Everyone seems to be accomplishing wonderful things lately, and have new resolve...and...well...to be honest...I'm feeling left out! I wanna hop back on that Amigo train and really DO THIS THING!!!! I've got the best girls on my side that anyone could EVER ask for, so I need to put my hand out, hold tight...and let them pull me through! I'm not gonna let you girls down, and I'm not gonna let myself down! I'm gonna listen to my "Gabriel Method" cd every night again...and revisit my goals for the next few days! I'm taking the rest of this week just to get my "head" back into the game...and Monday my heart and soul will join in!!

YUPPERS!!!!! I'M GONNA DO THIS THING FOR ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!! It's not about the competition any more...it's about me...finishing what I've started for the first time in my life! It's about taking control of my life again! It's about being accountable and responsible for ALL the choices I've made...it's about loving myself and knowing deep down that I deserve everything great that life has to offer!!!

I'm with you Amigos....wait for me...I'm coming!!!

Thanks

Just a quick blog to thank everyone who has believed in me, and been pushing me forward on this journey of mine! I know I haven't been so great lately, but I will get back into it! I have a lot of work to do in the next couple weeks with my business...but I will also try to eat properly and excercise daily! Not gonna make any promises, but I will try! Thanks again...you guys have no idea what it means to me to know that you're all rooting for me! I WILL get out of this "funk", if it kills me!!

I QUIT!!!!!!!....

I've suffered long enough...for years upon years now...and it's time for me to give it up and quit! Don't worry...I don't mean that I quit with our competition, or with trying to make this lifestyle change! I don't want to sound like a broken record...which I know I do...but I quit with the self-destructive ways that I've become good at! I've been doing sooooo good...I've lost 40 lbs so far over the past year...and I can actually see me reaching my 140lb goal finally! So what do I do? I sabbotage myself! Why? I don't know! I don't know how to explain it, and I don't know the answers as to why...but every time I get close...I revert back to my old ways and gain the weight back! I so desperately don't want that to happen again! I've already gained back the 4lbs I lost last month...and even 2 that I lost the month before! I don't know what to do! I can't get my head out of the "funk" that I'm in! My trip is only 5 weeks away...and I soooooo desperately want to look and feel good! I know I can't be 140lbs...but I'd seriously settle for 155lbs...that means I have to lose 20lbs in the next 5 weeks! Is that even possible? I've just gotta get a grip before I gain back the entire 40lbs I've lost! I can't let that happen! So sorry for being all negative, but I was hoping that if I blog about it...I'll miraculously "see the light", and switch it back into gear!

So....here it is...I start fresh tomorrow...forgive myself for my HUGE slip-ups lately...and get my life back into gear! On EVERY level! I"m 40 now...so it's time to start acting it right! I CAN DO THIS!!!!

March is MY month!!

Ok...no sense fretting about what weight I wanted to lose for January and February but didn't!!! It's time to focus on March! It's My month! I turn 40 on Monday! I've got 6 weeks until my trip...so I'm gonna use them to the fullest! I'm so excited my hubby is on board too! I'm doing the "Frosty 5K" run tomorrow in Burlington...what a way to jumpstart the month eh?! Yay me...that's what I think! And he's also helping me with my obsession with the scale! I weigh myself EVERY day...sometimes two or three times...and I stress over the small gains and losses! He has taken away my scale until April 5th...so I can't track how I'm doing along the way! The logic is...that I'll stop obsessing and focussing on the pounds...and just do what I have to do all month to get the job done!!! I've got a plan...and I'm going to succeed!!! No excuses...no options...just gotta do it!!!! So my goal is to not even see the 60's pass me by!!! I'm sitting at 170 right now...and by the time my hubby gives me my scales back...I'll be in the 50's!!! That's it...that's the goal! I'm so excited...but anxious at the same time! Worried I'll have withdrawls from my scales! Let's see if this plan works...eventually something will right?!

Disappointed AGAIN!!!! Ugh!!

I think I consider weigh-in day...."DOOM'S DAY"!!!! It's the day I have to face the music! It's the day that I can't lie to myself because the scale and the pictures don't lie! It's the day I'm held accountable for all my poor choices in the entire month collectively! And it sucks!! Two months in a row I was grossly below my goal! I know it's my own fault...I've given into temptations, and I must pay the price! This month I'm really pissed at myself cuz last week I was weighing in at 165lbs (that's 5 lbs less than today), and I think I sabotaged myself! I was only 1lb away from my goal, and that's definately doable in one week...so what did I do? I gave into the temptation to go get a Creme Brulae McFlurry one day! Then that tasted so good, the next day we went out for lunch...and lets just say I didn't order salad! Last night my boys were taken out by the babysitter, so my hubby and I took advantage of it and went out for dinner again...DEFINATELY NOT SALAD!!!!! I haven't been home in the evening for weeks now, so we also indulged in a few drinks while watching some TV...I drank the entire bottle of red wine!!!

So the scale reflected my indulgences with a 5lb gain from last week! I feel terrible! And to top it off...Monday is my birthday...and I know I'll be having chinese food at lunch at the office...cuz that's what we've done for years (and to be honest...I want my chinese food...it's MY birthday...and it's a milestone)!

I need to get serious and get working! I only have 6 weeks before my trip...and now I have 30lbs to lose! How the hell am I gonna manage that one? That's 5lbs per week! Is that even practical? After my birthday...that's it!!!! No more cheats for me until my trip!!! And exercise is a MUST at least 5 days per week!!!! I need to be true to me! I don't wanna feel this way next month again!

I'll take the 4lb loss and run with it...knowing full well that March is my month to take some money away from this competition!!!!!

Tomorrow is the BIG DAY!!!

Well...here it is...it's weigh in day again tomorrow! I'm experiencing mixed emotions! I'm excited to be done another month...but I'm a little anxious cuz I don't think I reached my goal! Exercise has gone out the window this month! I'm hoping to see 10lbs...but the scale will tell tomorrow!

On Monday it's my 40th birthday!!!! I had big goals for my 40th...and I'm saddened a little that I didn't reach them! I was supposed to be 140lbs by then..and..well...that's just not gonna happen! I have 25 more to lose!

So...I've decided to march forward! I've resolved that my 40th year will be the best year of my life! I'm going to committ to exercise 5 days a week! I'm committing to a 90% perfectly clean diet all year (gotta have 10% treats in there to keep my sanity...and to ward off BINGES!!!)

I'm making committments for my business, and my personal and family life as well!!! Yuppers...40 is going to be the best year of my life...and it's up to me to make it that way!

3 Days til Weigh-in!!!

Gotta admit...I'm kinda excited about weigh-in! I've kinda inadvertantly used this month as a comparison! See...January I worked out hard, but ate kinda crappy! So now this month...I've eaten extremely clean (did have a couple little treats for my sanity), but couldn't find the time to get the exercise in! I wanna see the difference it makes on the scales! Then...next month it's my goal to do both...and REALLY see a HUGE difference! January I lost 5lbs...and I do believe I will reach my goal of 10 for this month...so put them together...and I should lose 15 next month!! Ye-haw!!!

Didn't work out this week so far...even though I had every intention to! I wiped out pretty badly and my knee is black and blue and swollen! The palm of my right hand is pretty badly gouged too! So I guess I take a few days to heal...but keep on track with food! That's why I thought...let's see the differrence betweeen good diet...and exercise!

I should be all healed up by Saturday...to begin the month where both aspects with play together! Feeling great about it! Can't wait to see my pics at the end of March...I should be 10 tiny lbs away from my goal!!!! Woo Hoo!!!!